Ventriloquism helps (part 2)

Dear reader,

we visited my mom yesterday. It was the first time for my sister and me. A friend of my parents', who also was with them on the tour, drove us. He and my dad had seen her before already in the hospital in france. I didn't say to her yet what I described in my last post, that I wanted to tel her. Although I thought about what and how to say it, in case other people would listen, too, and I wouldn't be able to say it directly the way I would if we had been alone. During the visiting hours in the hospital the doctors take some time off and go through the rooms talking to the relatives. The doctor didn't say much. We already knew the next steps and for now there's not much more we can do than just wait. When the doctor was there, she told us my mom is biting quite a bit when they're doing the oral hygiene. Understandably so. Who would like someone else "fumbling around" in our mouth and the tube to breathe certainly isn't comfortable for her. As the doctor went away, I would have liked to tell my mom what I want to tell her. Especially since the doctor had talked about biting. Not that my mom would take it as an order to bite. I didn't feel all too comfortable about it though that such words were used in her presence. I don't believe that people need to be that strict and have to watch there every word thinking three times about which ones to use, before actually saying them in her presence. After all she's still very far away and they sedated her, that's giving her tranquilizer, for the transportation to germany and the other day too, to change the tubes as well. A part of me is mean and wondering how the heck she's supposed to wake up from the coma if they sedate her again. On the other hand, of course, I see the point of doing that and that its necessary to do. We'll see. I wonder if it's possible to wake someone up by first picking up on the breathing rhythm of the other person and then taking over so to speak and leading to breathe together in such a way that would wake her up. Adjusting the breathing and then leading to breathe together in a different way is very indirect and often the other person doesn't notice, but it can be very effective and create change. That's especially important in hypnosis and relaxation and an inconspicuous, but very important thing. When we like other people in our daily life, this often happens, too. We adjust our breathing to match theirs, the tempo of how fast or slow we talk adjusts to one another and other aspects attune as well. I don't know what's possible in that aspect for my mom and me. My knowledge about hypnosis is mostly theory and otherwise limited to a little playing around with myself. apart from the two already mentioned friends where what I wanted to do didn't go too well. The situation with my mom will indeed be a test, just like the headline of my last entry read. Writing it this way has a morbid taste to it, or at least one may read it that way. Test. Like my mom is a test subject, someone to play around with. We'll see what comes out. (So much for: not giving continued details...)

I believe it was the beginning of this week when I brought my bat Gaston from Bochum back to my parents here. I wanted to have him to practise ventriloquism better with a real figure. Besides he's soft and warm and a pretty good substitute for my guinea pigs, which I often take out in the eve in front of my tv to have them on my lap. Up until two days ago my dad had some stomach problems. I gave him a big heart cushion, but he said it didn't fit that well. The other day we sat together watching tv. I had Gaston on my belly, because mine wasn't doing all too good either. My dad didn't want to have Gaston for himself. But then I wanted to get something from the kitchen. Normally I gave the guinea pigs away to my parents if I wanted something from the kitchen in the past so I wouldn't need to take them with me when I had them out on my lap. And now I did the same with Gaston somewhat casually giving him to my dad. He spread the wings, like I did and placed him on his belly. Some time later he said that the bat was really good. The wings would keep it all nice and warm. Up until the day before yesterday we took turns taking Gaston. When he had him, I took the heart. The day before yesterday he didn't want Gaston anymore. Only yesterday again I casually left him with my dad and as I walked out I saw my dad about to stick his hand into Gaston. When I was back from the kitchen with a yoghurt, Gaston said to me, "Hello. Getting hungry, aye?" I saw that my dad's lips were, quite "professionally" slightly parted, but they didn't move. We both had to grin.

Ventriloquism helps. Even if it's just by turning a figure into a hot bag for the belly. Another aspect of it is that for ventriloquism the jaws have to be relaxed. Otherwise you'll feel it in your jaws after a while. Many people when they're stressed are literally clenching their teeth so their jaws are all tense. I realised now that I'm getting more playful again and started practising ventriloquism again. It seems that I don't watch my jaws when I'm stressed. In theory ventriloquism could help against stress, since you've got to have relaxed jaws to do it. Now that my mom is closer to us again, the situation is more relaxed again for all of us. It was nice to see my dad getting a bit more playful again and seeing him play a bit with Gaston. Given that he knows nothing and only has seen some short videos with ventriloquists that I showed him, I was pleasantly surprised. Then again "Hello. Getting hungry, aye?" doesn't have difficult letters in it, for which you'd usually need to move your lips. ;-)

Until next blog,

sarah

The Test(?)

Dear reader,

three days after my birthday, September, 9 my mom had a bad bike accident. She and my dad and friends were out and she fell. At the moment she's still in an induced coma, which is normal after heavy head injuries and the usual way to go, putting her in an induced coma. I can't say much more at this moment and I also don't want to write about this at this moment now. Not because it would be bad, but to spare me the continued updating with details about her condition.

I think, in bad situations, crisis, people try to make sense of it, so that the bad situation isn't totally "senseless". The situation with my mom brought me back to hypnosis and trance. That's why the condition of my mom is worth mentioning for me here and now. Because I think that a coma is in some ways similar to a trance. (Although "trance" and "hypnosis" aren't the same, some of you may understand better if I wrote about "hypnosis" rather than "trance". I'll soon write about my favourite therapist Milton Erickson and explain more about trance, hypnosis and other related things then.) Trance and coma are in any case an altered state of consciousness. Both are states in which we filter less of what others tell us and accept it more easily than we would in a waking state.

It took some time for me to think those things that way. At first she was in france anyway, because they were doing their tour there and she only got back here to germany in a neighbour town on the night of the 17/18th. So there was hardly anything I could have done, even if I wanted to. And even now I can't quite help her the way I want to yet. I've got a cold now. Since my mom is still at the intensive care unit in the hospital, I don't want to risk infecting her.

Here is my thought: a coma is a special state of consciousness, at least in some parts similar to a trance state. Also it's very possible that doctors, nurses and now also visitors like my family and friends, may talk directly to my mom or talk among themselves in her present and use words that don't help her in the healing process. For example someone might mention the possibility of her being paralysed or something. Yes, the possibility of that is real. But in her state it's dangerous to hear something like that. Even if she doesn't sense the things around her on a conscious level, I do believe she senses them somehow in some way unconsciously still.

Therefore I'd like to tell her something I'd tell other people, who want to work with me with hypnosis and tell her something like this, "Some people say that you can't her. But you have two ears, which work well and you hear many things other people say. Either they're talking to you or among themselves in here. I want you to only keep in mind those things you think are important and true and which help you now. All the other things you can easily ignore and forget."

I think it's important to say something like that before starting to do hypnosis with someone. Because it gives the other person the opportunity, the legitimation(!), that not everything I tell that person has to be accepted. It may well happen that I unconsciously or unknowingly tell things the person doesn't like. With those few lines the person can ignore just those selected things and feel good about it, and without disregarding everything else that follows, just because a part of it didn't fit in their values and way of thinking. I therefore think it's an important protection for my mom now. Especially now. Even if she's not consciously aware of it and I may have to repeat something like that several times, as long as she's in the coma.

I don't believe in (a) god. But the thoughts I thought about those things I described here over the past days. Maybe they're some way of nudging me back to hypnosis. After I wanted to make two friends hypnotically drunk and it didn't work on one of them and only a bit on the other, I sort of gave up hypnotising other people. Even though I know this was nobody's "fault" that the experiment didn't work out well. It still made me feel bad and I unfairly blame myself and thinking many too many negative thoughts about it. Now is my new chance with my mom and to truly help her.

Until next blog,

sarah

Moving on

Dear reader,

that's it now. I moved to my new place. Sadly I made the mistake of wanting to be available fast and wanted to have a low price to save money. Instead of checking prices, I should have gone for quality. So I have internet right now, but will be out of touch again soon, like I have been when my laptop was in repair, because I will change the provider.

I was uncertain, I have slept very bad, but my decision is made now and the woman on the phone was very nice to help me get out of my contracts again. Now all I have to do is go to the new provider and get the new contracts done and give back the stuff to the shop of my old provider where I bought them just a week before. Again no internet. But I don't care. I have learned to live without it over the last couple of weeks already. It won't take too long anyway.

Anyway, the new flat is small, but nice. I don't need much space as a single person anyway. Most of the boxes are empty already now, although I've been living here for not even a whole week now.

Moving on step by step. "And why do we fall Bruce? To learn to pick ourselves up again." Thomas Wayne in "Batman Begins"

Until next blog,

sarah

Pride and Prejudice

Dear reader,

I was able to see for myself how our presuppositions affect our way of thinking, if not to say forms our prejudices. Two evenings ago the movie "Blood Diamond" was on tv. I knew it already, but wanted to watch it again and really see some of the actors this time. I didn't know them before or wasn't aware of them as who they were the first time around.

I didn't remember who composed the music for the film, but "suspected" Hans Zimmer. I don't like him. His music often is big, which is fine in and for blockbusters, but the music without the film is often quite exhausting for me to listen to. I don't listen to the few soundtracks of him that I have anymore. Sometimes I listen to a remix version of the title song "Now We Are Free" from the movie "Gladiator". It's the "Now We Are Free (Juba's Mix" from "Gladiator - More Music From the Motion Picture", one of the two cd's out there. I liked to listen to that one earlier. I liked it better than the other one. On it are pieces which Hans Zimmer composed, but never "made it" into to movie. It also has a couple of parts of dialogue from the movie. Even listening to the "better" one of the two cd's, I don't get passed the first 3 tracks. I then skip all of them except the last 2 tracks. And that it's it.

It took me a long time before I watched the Sherlock Holmes movie from 2009 and Inecption, because Hans Zimmer die the score for it. I know, I'm stupid. (The score for the first Sherlock Holmes movie, by the way, is exactly what I expected of Hans Zimmer: much of other movies and much repetition. To be exact "The Third Man" and this is repeated so much that I was bored, if not to say annoyed by it, even watching the movie. A couple of times I still listened to the soundtrack alone and thought it was okay.) The second Sherlock Holmes movie from 2011, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, I didn't watch, because the story didn't interest me much. Maybe I'll watch it some time. Inception and the first Sherlock Holmes movie I really didn't watch out of protest. I had no interest at all in Hans Zimmer.

Back to Blood Diamond. So I had Hans Zimmer in my head and a couple of times when I was aware of the music, I only liked it partly. Sometimes it was pretty good, I had to admit. Overall of course, I could not possibly like it, although some was pretty good. Then the movie was over. And? "Music: James Newton Howard. Ouch. He worked with Hans Zimmer on Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. James Newton Howard gave both movies the emotion of the music, which Hans Zimmer cannot, because he can only do "massive blockbuster and action". James Newton Howard's wonderfully minimalistic soundtrack to "The Village" is my favourite. So he had done the score for Blood Diamond? I'll soon listen to it without the movie.

On saturday I told my mom about the quasi confusion and how I came to like the score just now because of that. She grinned and said, "See. See how our prejudices influence us." All I could do was grin back at her and nod.

The "pride"-part of this blog entry is this: James Newton Howard composed the music for the first two Batman movies together with Hans Zimmer, like I wrote before. He didn't work on the third and last one though and Hans Zimmer did it alone. Why? The other day I accidentally came across a page on the internet which stated that James Newton Howard seemed to have expected to work on Inception with Hans Zimmer, like they did work together on the two Batman movies. Nolan however didn't ask him. I don't know if it was defiance or pride or whatever, but Howard didn't want to work on the last Batman movie then. What an ego. Sad.

Until next blog,

sarah

Home, sweet home?

Dear reader,

that's it now: I've got my own flat. The contract is signed, I've got the keys. The moving can begin.

At the moment there's no happiness yet. Too much to organise for now.

But I will buy a rocking chair soon. I wanted that when I get my own flat and now I have it.

And something else I'll get, too: a Charlie McCarthy. Sadly most of those which are sold on eBay are with a string to pull on the neck to open and close the mouth. The easy version. I at least would like the next version. That's like all professional figures of that kind with a stick to control the moving head, which goes to the back and is controlled there with just one hand. With the string you pull on the string with one hand and hold the figure with the other hand to keep it from falling from the pulling. I don't remember the seller right now, but there is one on eBay, who sells another kind of figures, too. Those are with headstick, and also control to move the eyes of the figure from left to right and with wig for hair. I hope I get one of the second version or maybe I can talk to the seller to get me a mix of the 2nd and 3rd. Because Edgar Bergen's Charlie McCarthy didn't have moving eyes and the hair with the seller is dark brown. What it should be is red. I don't care about the moving eyes or not. But I insist on the red hair - or no hair at all, like with most figures which are sold for play for kids and such. With those the hair is made out of the same material like the rest of the head. So it's version 2. Would be fine with me for my first real figure. Although hair would be nice. Wait and see what the seller has to say. For now I would need my laptop back to begin with!

Until next blog,

sarah

The missing link

Dear reader,

my laptop is away for repair. I am writing a few thoughts on paper for the blog for later and limit my time on my parents' computer to the necessary: reading mails, checking Jay Johnson's blog for new entries (great, I just read that he, too, had a computer problem. After 4 hours of talking on the service phone his problem was solved. My laptop will be back in 3-4 weeks the sales woman said.) Then I also check Bob's Vlog, if there's anything new there. That's it.

Of course I could do more. But I don't want to do that on another computer, even though my parents would let me. I could, for example, typewriting the blog entries and publish them. Would be too much time on another computer for me though. But I don't mind that really. I can write on paper as well.

What I really miss above all else is listening to Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarhty on their radio show. That's right. I don't miss chatting the most, not even the internet in whichever form, but an old radio show. I do have the files on my external hard drive and I could plug it to my t.v. That should work. Wouldn't be as nice as with my laptop though. I've got a few short pieces on my ipod, too. But that's getting boring with just 6 tracks of each about 5 minutes length. The shows are 30-60 minutes and I hadn't listened to half of them when I gave away my laptop for repair.

So my "missing link" is an old radio show.

Until next blog,

sarah

I'm not we!

Dear reader,

with the olympic games, just like with the world series, a corporate feeling comes up again, even if it's only the corporate wish for the team your own country to win. Not "a team" needs to win, but "we" need to win. I didn't even watch the opening ceremony of the olympic games and didn't see any of the games at all. Simply because I'm not interested. But I couldn't help but notice that the german's weren't doing that good so far. (I wonder how the bad games so far will have a negative effect on those, who still have to go for it.)

The other day on the news the reporter commented on the men fencing. He said something along the lines of, "We need to get better for the women fencing." I looked at my dad, who was watching the news with me and said, "We need to be better at fencing? I cannot do fencing at all. Can you?" He said nothing to that. It wasn't necessary anyway.

Who are they speaking of, especially politicians and other people in power, when they say "the germans" or "the americans", "the..."?

When my dad is ranting about the americans, I keep telling him, "One of your best friends is an american!" But that's something else entirely. Or is it?

Until next blog,

sarah