Dear reader,
Susanne was so kind to
point me to something very important about my last post: there's a
difference between pity and compassion. I want to elaborate on that
more now. Many thanks to Lisa as well for the stimulating chat!
For me pity is what I
described in my last post. The professor has no arms. In my view, we
need arms. She doesn't have arms, so I pity her. But as I already
wrote, the professor at least seems to be happy, even without arms!
So there is no reason to feel sorry or shocked or whatever for long.
She's fine the way she is. It seems to me that pity has a lot to do
with assumptions we make. Those assumptions should be tested and if
possible lead to action of some kind or another afterwards. A bit
like Sherlock Holmes. It would be bad to be stuck in an assumption
and that was it.
Compassion is
something different. With compassion someone might be shocked or
startled at first. For example to learn that I'm missing my right
foot. An important next step could be to ask, if or how I needed
help. When I explain that I can walk, run and ride a bike fine, it's
okay that I have got only one foot. I would need help swimming.
Because I have to take off the prosthesis for that. That means that I
have to get to the edge of the swimming pool or as close to the sea
as possible with the prosthesis on, but then the prosthesis should be
away from the water so it doesn't get wet all over. Then when I get
out of the water I need the prosthesis back and someone either has to
get it for me, or help me get to the prosthesis.
That's important and
necessary. Generally speaking the professor and I are fine with our
handicap. It's also fine to feel sorry for a moment that we lack arms
respectively a foot. The important thing is how to react and deal
with that in the longer term. That if we need help, we don't only
have people around us who feel sorry for our situation and don't dare
helping us or for whatever other reason don't act. When we need help
some time, it's important for us to have people around, who
understand and help us.
In the social field
or among people working in communications there's a word often used:
empathy. Recognise and understand what the other person is feeling.
That may sometimes mean crying along with them. That's important and
right. However it should happen for a limited time only. After that
it's important to think it through together how things can go on from
there. That's very important. Because if someone is really in a bad
situation, that person needs help and not only someone to cry along
with them. Even though the saying goes: A sorrow shared is a sorrow
halved. It's even better if this sorrow has an end and one can get
out of a bad situation easier and faster with others than alone.
Until next blog,
sarah
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