My last and best mathematics teacher

“Having a student identify with mathematics is really different than having them study it and try hard to learn it.” Robert Dilts (Robert B. Dilts/Todd A. Epstein: “Dynamic Learning”, Meta Publications, 1995)

I was always average at best in mathematics in school. In exam I'd write 3 or 4 (C or D in American grades). It's okay, but not great. In my final year in college we got a new teacher. I forgot why the other one didn't go on for the final year with us. What did surprise both my new teacher and me though was the fact that suddenly I'd write 1 (A) in exams! That's right. It left me speechless the first time it happened.

I believe that part of it was due to the fact that the new teacher would always start a new subject by talking about how it related to the real world outside. It's good to have some connection to the real world and not just working some abstract numbers and learning for exams only. Mind you, I barely remember anything from the mathematics now. It's 17 years ago. Just too long a time. But I still remember the action of talking real world first.

I wonder how much more students would be engaged in learning and studying beyond just for exams, if all teachers did that. It wasn't that the new mathematics teacher talked the whole first class about the connection. I don't remember how much time he spent. But even if it's just a couple of minutes and listing a couple of examples, at least it makes the subject more relatable, doesn't it? It doesn't have to be a long talk.

In the end I finished school still with an average 3 (C ) in mathematics, because they had to add up some exams before my 1 (A) exams and I pretty much blacked out in one exam that was part subject of the final exam as well. I'm not good at all in some areas of mathematics, because my brain just doesn't seem to get it, despite all the efforts of my teachers.

Beware of the red pen!

During the first couple of years at school, I remember we had moments where the teacher would read us a short text and we'd have to write it down to practise writing and spelling. I did pretty good back then. I barely made mistakes. I still have images in my mind of my writing being free from corrections and only at the end of it there would be a “Prima, Sarah!” (Great, Sarah!) For having no mistakes.

For my first two and a half years of school I lived up in Northern Germany. We had a text that had a sentence where I made a minor mistake about books on a shelf. During the Christmas break of my third year at school, we moved and I changed schools. In my new school we'd still write those texts the teacher was reading to us. Guess what? One time the teacher in my new school read the text about the books and I again I made the same mistake, that bit about the books on the shelf. That was in fact the only mistake I made that second time! My mother pointed out that I had made the same mistake the first time. I have no recollection of writing it the first time and how that went. But that's why I remember that sentence to this day actually: Not for writing it the first time, but for the mistake. The mistake I made twice, according to my mother.

I forgot where I read it. It's been a while. Part of the problem in the current school system and teaching system is that teachers focus on marking out what's wrong. Red pen marking out everything wrong. “Attention! Wrong!” If you're a good student making no or few mistakes, you're only left with a short, nice comment. If anything at all.

There seem to be teachers more recently, that let children write as they like and not correct them. That's what at least one co-worker once told me. Maybe some teachers don't want to discourage the children from writing by pointing out all the mistakes. But where would those end up that are in higher classes and still write the way they want to? There are certain set rules about how to spell and grammar and all that. You can't just ignore that. Sometimes you write different for certain effects and it's purposeful writing. Children need to learn the correct way first though. Or maybe the teachers are lazy? I've seen adults with bad writing, too. Also at a certain age hardly anybody points out mistakes. I don't know about the motivation of those teachers though. I hope there's more to this than... laziness?

How about instead encouraging the good students more and only focus on them? That way they'd feel pleased and confident to keep on doing what they do well. And the bad students might take interest in checking out how the good students do what they do well. Instead of the bad students feeling bad for their mistakes and the good students being only left with short comments? Just an idea.

Better Be Many

Dear reader,

before the movie "The Silence of The Lambs" there was the same-titled book by Thomas Harris and before that book was the book "Red Dragon". (The latter being filmed twice, by the way, once in 1986 with the title "Manhunter" and William Petersen as the lead role of the investigator and Brian Cox as Dr. Hannibal Lecter. The movie from 2002 has Edward Norton as the investigator and Anthony Hopkins in his staring role as Dr. Hannibal Lecter.) "Red Dragon" is about the former FBI agent Will Graham. He became famous after helping identifying Lecter as the offender and then catching him.

The former supervisor visits Graham and seeks his help in the brutal murder of two families. He notices that during the intense conversation, Graham uses more and more of the rhythm and syntax of his dialogue partner. Graham doesn't do that intentionally to build a good connection between them, but unconsciously.

I noticed that and it happened to me, too. Once I was at my aunt's in Hamburg for about a week and after two or three days, I noticed, that I was talking in a different way. Back home I was talking my own usual way again.

Budding people of the social field, such as therapists, are told to notice the voice, rhythm, speed and use of words of their clients and adjust their own way of speaking accordingly. It creates sympathy on an unconscious level and a connection between the people talking to each other.

There's this saying that dogs often look like the owner. Which is no surprise, especially if they had been living together already for a long time. Adjusting doesn't only happen on a verbal level, but also with looks or gestures and body posture. Sometimes consciously, more often unconsciously.

Trends are set that way, too. We like a person and we like what he or she is wearing or how they are wearing it, so we start to do as they do. For many years I used to wear my wrist watch with the face on the inner side of my wrist. I had seen Bruce Willis wearing his wrist watch that way in many movies and also Matt Smith in his portrayal of the 11th Doctor in "Doctor Who" in at least two episodes, checks his wrist watch with the face on the inner side of his wrist. For some weeks, also analog to the 11th Doctor, I'm wearing a pocket watch. I don't wear my wrist watch anymore at this moment. No, it's not the owl wrist watch I have bought in april. It's a proper pocket watch with clipper to clip it to the brim of the pocket and a chain. I was especially thinking of Derren Brown and hypnotists generally, of whom you'd almost expect to waggle a pocket watch in front of your eyes to make you go into a trance. So my pocket watch has nothing to do with the Doctor!!!

Such things can work like little lucky charms or nervers. At least they do for me. Wearing a scarf the way Benedict Cumberbatch does as Sherlock Holmes for example. Maybe a purple scarf, purple being Milton Erickson's favourite colour...

David Calof was a student of Milton Erickson. In his audio set "Hypnotic Techniques", he starts by saying that "I'm one of those people, who believe that Ericksonianism died in 1980, when Erickson died and that we're actually in a post Erickson era." So he wouldn't stand here saying he was Ericksonian. Although he had the privileg of studying with him. He isn't Ericksonian. He is Calofian, he supposed. For starters, that's a funny thing to say and maybe a bit arrogant, too. One might argue whether or not Ericksonianism could have been done only by Erickson himself and indeed died with Erickson. The most "absolute" form of it certainly did. Erickson as a human and therapist was unbelievably complex and multilayered. Not one single person alone will completely "get" him and internalise it for themselves. To be like him for the sake of his genius and to act like he did, would only be a copy. Erickson was very creative and revolutionised the psyotherapy and hypnotherapy of his time. It's certainly worth checking out his way of working and how he did things. In the end however, everybody should find their own way of doing therapy. It would be sad, only to be a cheap copy of somebody else. Especially since there isn't just Erickson, who did good works with his approaches. Calof said it, too, that he learned the limitations of Erickson's model. (Sadly, for me anyway, he doesn't go on about what those limitations are. I would like to know, where he thinks the limitations are.)

Also, as much as you as a therapist might prefer one therapy over another or one method within a certain therapy over another, not every person responds to this one method the same positive way. That would be boring for therapists, too, because then they would all only learn this one kind of therapy and then treat everyone this same way and heal and help them that way. That would be boring, wouldn't it? As Betty Alice Erickson, one of Milton Erickson's daughters, put it in an interview with Paul Anwandter, " You can't have a rule of psychotherapy that applies to everyone."

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another, you have only an extemporaneous, half possession." That same way we should respect the other person's individuality and not want to be like one single other person. At its worst, we'll be a "cheap copy" quite literally and at best people would still talk about as as some one like xy.

When I was a kid I had a blanket with all sorts of squared samples sewed together. One beautiful, colourful patch work blanket. That's what I wold wish for us all, that we become a colourful patch work person in the things we do, our way of thinking and the way we look. Taking individual aspects of many, different people and utilise them in a useful way. Everything else would be boring, cheap copies. Nobody needs those.

Until next blog,

sarah

Thinner too: with savvy - weight and see

Dear reader,

you wanted to be thin and cancelled your fitness studio membership, because you don't need it anyway. Now some food for thought to add to that.

I read once that hypnosis is the best way and one of the best possibilities to achieve that. I have no idea how much of what I did to be thin was in a sense “hypnosis” or not. Regardless of that I can see certain parallels between hypnosis and successfully being thin. Many people believe that hypnosis makes you lose your will. That's not correct. Apart from the conscious and the unconscious, there's also a third very important instance, which is often called “the critical factor”. It's the connection between the conscious and the unconscious. The unconscious holds beliefs. The critical factor checks incoming new information with the already existing beliefs. If they are identical, they go into the unconscious, if not they're blocked out and stay in the conscious mind only.

Hypnosis only works when the critical factor is levelled down. Only then are phenomenon like an immobile (cataleptic) hand possible. Of course the person can still move their hand. But at that moment the barriers of the critical factor are at least that much down so what the hypnotist is saying, that the hand is impossible to move and cataleptic, is accepted to be true. This is enhanced even further through a chain of autosuggestion (“I notice that I can't move my hand. So it must be true that I can't move it. Therefore I can't move it.”) and the hand is immobilised, although under normal circumstances, the hand would be possible to move fully and without difficulty.

The critical factor is the reason why (New Year's) resolutions are so difficult to do and to keep doing them. The critical factor finds many more confirmations for the old habits and beliefs. So they are kept in the end. So for being thin you have to use tricks like a hypnotist.

The most important of all is:

1. State goals in the positive!

State your goals in the positive towards what you want. Remember: if you state it in the negative with „not“, you'll have the negative still in your head. That's not helpful in the long run. I'm warning you, if you state in the negative, you'll have an elephant in your head and he's so big, he'll crush all the positive intentions.

Our brain works best with pictures. That's why they keep saying in order to remember a string of things, to connect them to a story. I find a whole story to be difficult and complicated. I find it better to work with other methods and build yourself a memory palace. Do you know the film “The Machinist”? In it Christian Bale is a man, who's tormented with problems he repressed, so he almost doesn't eat at all, has massive sleeping problems and looks just the way someone would in that situation. It certainly wasn't healthy for him as an actor to lose that much weight for that role. Here are two picture of it:

It really does not look healthy at all. But it gives your mind very clear images of what you want. Only watch out, please, please, not to go just that far really. It should only be images, with which to work on your own goal. To have such a physique is sick and very damaging for you in the long run! Nevertheless: overdo it with the images, which you use, be it in your head or those you pick to remind you. (The 10^th Doctor in “Doctor Who”, David Tennant, is probably more of a role model for being thin, and very likeable, too. Although at least one of his companions described him as “just a long streak of nothing. You know, alien nothing.” Right she is.)

2. Find pictures (real or in the head), which are exaggerating, to be clear on what you want.

(Once someone wrote to me on the internet and wanted help with hypnosis so I would make her breasts bigger. I told her that when I wanted to be thinner, I was thinking about Christian Bale's role in The Machinist and advised to her to do the same. So she searched for a picture of a woman with breasts too big, printed it out and used that image then. A couple of weeks later she wrote to me and told me that her breasts actually had gotten bigger. I don't know if what she said was correct. It seemed so to me. In the end the most important thing is, that she was happy and she seemed to be to me.)

Sometimes I tricked myself and picked a bit wider cloths to wear, which wouldn't be so tight on my body. That gives a feeling of being thin. At least thinner for those cloths, which with more weight would have been tighter. Skinny jeans on the other hand sometimes are quite comfortable and make your thighs be a bit tighter than wider jeans would when you sit down.

Once again English seems to be even more extreme, once you start playing with words. To "lose weight" is, if you're saying it out loud, very close to "loose wait". (Not tight waiting, ey?) In English I like to ask then: Waiting for what? But even in German I don't think it's a good choice of words for the wish of “losing weight”. Nobody likes to lose something. You have to find the words that fit best for yourself. In the end all I can do is make you aware that different words also have diverse meanings that come with them.

Also don't underestimate the support from outside. If a child is big and should lose weight, it's best to make it a family project. It's not helping the child if the family keeps eating fastfood as the child is supposed to eat healthy food.

Two “tricks” I still use now and then are the following: often we mistake thirst for hunger and eat something. It can often help to instead first drink a good amount. In the evening it can also help, at a certain time of hour, to go and brush your teeth. As you know, after that you shouldn't eat anymore. So I only drink unsweetened tea or water then.

Until next blog,

sarah

Thinner - the easy part: the body

Dear reader,

so now the post some have been waiting for for a long time and for which the last posts have been sort of to prepare for. Some thoughts on how I lost weight a couple of years ago.

Some time around 2002 I wanted to lose weight. At first I thought of going to the fitness center. But then I saw the well well-conditioned men in front of my minds eye and me, the short, untrained girl among all of them? Hardly. But I wasn't happy with my belly. I wanted definitely to have a thinner belly and that was the beginning of all.

1. The absolute and definite thought of change.

Some dream of changing "the world". This big planet as a whole. It's too big a project, I'm telling you. Just as bad as a blank "I want to be thin." So something else is important, too

2. The thought of only changing one definied part.

But more on thoughts and the mind in my next post. The way I see it, that's in fact the even more important and more powerful part of the whole thing.

So I wanted to lose weight without going to the fitness center. I decided on push-ups and something that seems generally to be called crunches. I started with 10 push-ups as you know them. Then do the crunches to relax the arms. That's lying on your back, legs bent, feet on the ground. Now for example lift the left leg a bit so that the left knee and the right ellbow can touch and vice versa. So it's touching crossed knees and ellbows. Just as a variation to the "normal" lifting your head. Do 10 of those each side. (I always did left ellbow right knee, then right ellbow left knee and again left ellbow right knee.) Then to relax the belly I did so called "woman push-ups". That means you're on your knees, feet bent in the air (and crossed at the ankles is the most comfortable, I think). These are easier and even untrained I can do at least 15 of them easily. Then again go on your back and do the "normal" crunches": legs bent, feet on the ground and lift your head and shoulders just up.

For the arms what I did "back then" when we still had birds and bird grit, I once filled up two small plastic bottles with the grit and used them as dumbbells. I don't do that anymore these days. It's easy to do exercises with that when you're just sitting in front of the tv. Apropos of nothing.

About the legs: a really easy exercise can be done sitting, too. Put both feet on the ground. Then lift one. Just a tiny bit and tense up the leg. Imagine you have weights on your ankle, which pull down the leg. Do 10 to 15 of those, just as you please and then switch to the other leg. That's something that can be done again apropos of nothing, like at work or when you're having a coffee with a friend or when you're at the bus stop waiting for the bus to arrive. But it's important to do all the exercises I mentioned here on a regular basis! Going through them once takes no time at all. So doing them once a day or at least every second day should be really easy.


There's always a lot of talk about doing lots of sports and being active. You don't necessarily have to do that as such. I didn't do that, apart from the exercises I mentioned here, which I don't do on a regular basis anymore these days. It starts with little things such as going the stairs instead of taking the escalator or elevator. With that alone you're already more active. Or just stand up and walk around while on the phone. Especially these days where practically all phones (mobile phones anyway) are wireless, that's no problem anymore.

Recently I found juggling for myself again, after I started it for a bit in 2011 and taught myself quite fast to juggle with 2 balls and then stopped doing it until a couple of months ago. My next long term goal would be to juggle 4 balls. Also I found so called contact juggling to do. That's juggling, but not throwing the ball, instead it's always in contact (hence the name) with the body. There are all sorts of quite impressive contact juggling videos on youtube both tutorials and simply to watch and enjoy. Some of them are very meditating and relaxing to watch. As is doing it. ;-)

A lot of people often suggest to go jogging. Jogging isn't my thing. Never interested me really. Althought there's this thing of combining jogging and juggling, which is called "joggling". There's even sort of marathons where you are allowed to drop a ball only so many times and you're running and juggling with others. Find your own sports to do. I am fascinated with juggling. Sitting on the bed or on the sofa it's easy to do apropos of nothing. It's good for coordination, a nice arm exercise and it's proved that activities that involve using both hands also help to (re)connect both of the brain hemispheres better (again). Which is also, by the way, why it helps with depression and increases the creativity! Which is not to say that I want you all to start learning to juggle now. Everybody should find their own activity they enjoy to be active. I for one like juggling at this moment with great fun and it's easy to carry 2 balls in your bag. That's my thing at the moment.

That's it for now. Being thinner the first, the easy part: the body. Next time will be the harder part: the brain and the mind!

Until next blog,
sarah

Try Not To Try

Dear reader,

there is one thing that I want to write about as a sort of preparation for the topic that I know, some are waiting to read about already.

Today I want to write about the word "try" or "trying". There is a scene in Star Wars, in which Master Yoda is with young Luke Skywalker. They're in this moorland or whatever you call it. Luke's spaceship has gone under there and Yoda told him to take it out with the help of the force only, through the power of the mind. Luke says he'll try. To which Yoda says the famous words of, "Do or do not. There is no try."

Many people know, how I think about "try". If someone doesn't know and uses the word "try" in my presence, I usually tell Master Yoda says hi. Some don't think this is a bad word. They say, "if you don't know if the thing will work or not, you can well say you're trying." Can you? Either it works or it doesn't. If you try and it works, you made it. If you try and fail, you failed. In both cases this is a clearer position than "trying". I think, Master Yoda is right. Either the thing will work out one way or another: positive or negative. To "try" however is an uncertain position in between those and in fact unnecessary. Say, there's a person, who's uncertain if something will work or not, for whatever reason. Even then this person doesn't need to try. It would be far better, especially because of that uncertainty, to get at it with "I'll do it." If something isn't quite right yet and it will fail because of that, then it will fail anyway. A bit more self-confidence, please! A positive attitude works much to make something to well.

To try something means resistance, that something is difficult. Yes, to dare something new can be difficult. I still stick to it: if you have a positive attitude to go with this thing, you have a better chance of succeeding. And something that is bound to fail, will also fail with the best of positive attitudes. So there is no reason to anticipate failure in any way. Lately I told people of the pink elephant and said to them, "If your thoughts are negative, you'll have the pink elephant in your mind, and you don't want that, do you?" (Tag question, by the way! See my last post.)

I practically deleted "try" of my vocabulary. There would be only one exception, in which I would use that word very consciously and where it would be highly effective. If you want that something doesn't work. I'd especially suggest that in hypnosis. For example if you aim for the arm to be stuck and can't be moved, catalepsy, I might say, "Try in vain to move your arm."

While we're on hypnosis, one more thing about the topic of failure in the context of therapy and generally difficult goals: a therapy means work and relapses. Sometimes it doesn't quite work as the therapist and especially the patient wish. Or good resolutions like being thinner or quitting smoking and similar things seem totally destroyed with the first bigger meal or the first cigarette after some time without one. I personally don't have the qualification to do therapy, so I can't give therapies. But I would urge each therapist to anticipate relapses and talk about that in therapy early on. A paradox? First I write about not using the word "try" and now I suggest explicitly talking about failure or rather relapses in therapy before they happen? Yes! Absolutely! Say, someone is depressed. There can be days on which the person feels bad. This happens to not depressed people, too. If the therapist doesn't talk about the possibility of bad days, the person could feel like a complete failure. It would be better to talk about the bad days explicitly and make them part of the therapy process, "You will feel bad on one or two days." What happens, if the person some day feels bad then? Well, it's okay then. The therapist said, I would feel bad one or two days. No problem. What if the therapy ends and the patient is not depressed anymore and didn't have bad days? Even better! The person can be proud, because s/he is better than even the therapist seemed to have thought, who said there will be one or two bad days. The simple anticipation of bad days gives the whole thing a different, a positive view!

By the way, the irish writer Samuel Beckett said the following about failure, "Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Until next blog,

sarah

On Should, Should Not and Not

Dear reader,

why is it easier to follow "should not" than "should"? "Should not stay up online late at night." Done. I am online late at night. "Should be in bed early." Not really. "Should eat less sweets." A pack of haribo jellybabies last a couple of days at best. "Should eat more fruits and veggies." I'm allergic to some fruits and my guinea pigs eat more veggies than I do. (Okay, we often divide into three.)

I think, part of the answer to that question is in the choice of words, the phrasing. It's similar to asking you "Do not think of a pink elephant." What are you thinking of? Smart people among you may answer with "A blue elephant." Yes, yes... it's a harmless task and everyone smiles about it. But it's less funny when something might happen. Like a mother telling the child, "Do not knock over the glass." I can guarantee you that the possibility of the child knocking over the glass is quite high.

Some say this happens, because we first have to have a positive image in our head of the thing that should not happen. To know that you shouldn't think of a pink elephant, you first have to have a pink elephant in your head. For the child to know not to knock over the glass, she has to see a glass knocked over. In case of the child this is more unconscious than the pink elephant. But still both is in the head.

In german this is relatively harmless so far. English is more complicated. Because the english "not", "knot" and "nod", if spoken the first two are the same and almost undistinguishable from the "nod". What helps is the over all context. For someone where english is a foreign language, the process of "not", "knot" and "nod" and hearing the right one may possibly be more conscious than for someone with english as a native language. In the "right" situation it may still happen that I hear or read other things in the text.

As a hypnotist you can play with that in a beautiful way. There are things called "tag questions". They're easier and more elegant to use in english, I think. In german they don't come across that beautiful. A statement is said and you tag a question to it at the end. A simple thing, isn't it? (In german they're literally called "refrain questions", but the actual refrain isn't there. It's obvious in english though.) To go back to the "knot" from earlier: "It's easy, is it not?" And how did you react to that just now? With a (unconscious) nod? Wonderful!

There's something else, which is called "yes-set" and can be played with and used to manipulate perfectly. Say I want the person sitting with me to agree to a certain thing or be positive about something. I set it up with a bunch of questions or statements, which I know the answer will be "yes" or the person will agree with it. So the person will be programmed to "yes", positive and nodding and eventually will agree to the thing or the statement I want him or her to agree to. But: if someone asks me a chain of questions and I repeatedly say "yes" all the time, I get suspicious. I don't need to be a hypnotist for that. You can vary all that by asking questions in a negative way and the negative will be confirmed. Example: "Kids should really not play with fire." You agree with that statement by shaking your head or saying "no" to confirm it. Although you say "no" or shake your head for "no", you still agree positively to my statement and I keep you in a positive mind-set.

Until next blog,

sarah

Motivation

Dear reader,

some of you may be able to do what others admire: being awake before the alarm goes off or maybe being awake at a certain time without an alarm clock all together.

All of that has to do with one thing especially: motivation. In the pilot episode of "Elementary" Watson sets the alarm for her to alarm clocks. One right beside her bed, the other one she has by the door plugged to an electrical socket. As she's in the hall way, she realises that honey is dripping through the ceiling. So she goes up to the roof and finds Holmes busy with his bees. He asks her why she hates her job so much. She denies that, but Holmes tells her that, "No one with two alarm clocks loves their job. Two alarm clocks mean it's a chore for you to get up in the morning." He also realised that even after such a short time of knowing Watson, she obviously likes his work.

Unnoticed by Watson Holmes unpluggs the clock at the door and takes the battery out of the other one. Watson is shocked when she wakes up in the morning and notices that she has been sleeping until 10 a. m. Holmes meanwhile is wide awake checking files at the police station.

In episode 10 (The Leviathan) we get to know the Watson family a bit more. At first Holmes says he's busy, but in the end he's even earlier than Watson at the restaurant and does Watson a favour explaining to her family and especially her mother just what it is she's doing and how important her work is. At last the family understands and respects her work.

This goes so far that at the end of this episode Watson's mother comes to Holmes' house to talk to Watson. The mother finds unique words for her daughter. Because although, thanks to Holmes' explanations, she now understands what Watson does, she still doesn't like it and yet:

"I know you think that I don't like your new career. To put it mildly. You're right, I don't like it. But not for the reasons that you think. I'm not happy that you're a sober companion, because it never seems to make you happy." Watson asks her, how she knows what makes her happy. To which the mother replies, "I know because you're my daughter. After you left medicine, after what happened with Liam, I've always thought that this job was something that you picked out of... I don't know, out of a sense of duty. When you came to dinner the other night, when the two of you talked about Sherlock's work, I saw something in you. There was a spark. A sense of excitement. I haven't seen that in you in a long time. You like what he does."

"Yes, okay, I enjoy it", Watson says. "But I'm not a detective, Mom. And I'm almost done working with Sherlock, and then it's on to another client." There and then her mother asks her an important question, "Will the next client make you happy? People find their paths in the strangest of ways."

At this moment Holmes interrupts the two to turn on the tv and show them a certain news report. And you can see the consequences Watson takes from working with Holmes yourself in the following episodes. No idea, how much the talk with her mother plays a role in that. (In the end it's just tv script anyway... ;-)) What the mother has to say however, I think, is important - today more than ever: finding something that gives us a spark, excites us. Then work will not so much be work anymore, but fun and easier to do than work, we do, because we have the feeling of having no other choice but this work. In moments like this we're less dependent on alarm clocks, too. When we have fun and joy and expectantly dream on to another day.

What activities or work ignite the spark within you?

Until next blog,

sarah

K-PAX or why i write names and places and such all in small letters alot

Dear reader,

this blog post is a special one today. Usually I post something on my german blog and then translate to post it here. Today I thought it's time to explain to my english reading readers about my way of writing and spelling things. As you may have noticed, I sign each post with "sarah", all in small letters. Also in this paragraph alone I wrote "english reading readers" and not "English reading readers". Today I'll explain why. I write differently in german, because the whole grammar and spelling words with a capital letter or not is different in german. In english, apart from "I" and names of places, people and such - and the beginning of a sentence, everything is spelled in small letters anyway. I thought it's time today to explain my writing style. Especially since some people already pointed out to me that it should read, for example "American", instead of "american". English is not my native language and although I may make some more or less obvious mistakes that are unnoticed and unwanted, "american", "english" and "german" are very deliberately written the way they are. Here is why:

Years ago a friend of my mom's suggested to me to watch the movie "K-PAX". So that's what I did.

"K-PAX" is about a man (played by Kevin Spacey and he should have won an oscar for that one!), who is found bending over a lady. She's been mugged seconds before. The police question him and his answers seem rather strange, so they take him away and he's eventually brought to a psychiatric hospital. One of the chief of staff there is Dr. Mark Powell (played by the great Jeff Bridges). We find out that prot, as the man calls himself, believes to come from the planet K-PAX. Of course the way prot would write or spell things and names and places isn't a topic in the movie. But it is in the book written by Gene Brewer, which was the model for the movie script. The book is written from the doctor's point of view and in his way to show his respect for prot, he adopts his way of writing. According to prot names of persons or places are not important in the big picture of the universe. So they don't deserve to be written with capital letters, thus: prot. Planets however do play an important part, so prot spells them everything in capital letters, thus: K-PAX. Or he'd also write: EARTH and WORLD. Some time ago, I would write "Earth" instead of "earth", which makes more sense to me than "EARTH". But I don't do that anymore now. No particular reason. I find "EARTH" a bit irritating, but I somewhat adopt prot's way of writing, as I imagine you already saw from my previous blogs. So I write "english" and "german" instead of "English" or "German" and also often I sign e-mails and this blog with all small letters reading: sarah.

So what is it with prot? Really from another planet or just delusional? Examinations show that he can see ultra violet light, which is impossible for humans to see. Also in one point in the story he seems to be just gone. Other patients tell the staff of the hospital not to worry, that prot is only away for a bit to see the few other places on Earth he didn't see yet. But in his research the psychiatrist also finds out about a man, who was believed to have drowned after loosing his wife and daughter over a murderous rapist. At the end of the movie or book that's for you to decide. Both the book and the movie give clues to both a very human, earthly tragedy and some unearthly, inexplicable things happening, too. I have my ideas, but I'm not going to discuss them here in my blog. If you like to share your thoughts with me or want to know what I think is going on, drop me a message.

Because of his work, my dad (he's a psychiatrist and psychotherapist) is always very critical about "psychiatry movies". And often he gets bored and says a movie could have been shorter. But he very much enjoyed "K-PAX". He said, he especially liked the two possibilities of the human tragedy as well as the possible alien explanation. So take it from him: this movie is well worth watching!

One last thing about the book: the author is a certain Gene Brewer, as I mentioned above. In the book the psychiatrist is also called Gene Brewer, but is purely fictional. The author doesn't have a degree in psychiatry, nor is the story in "K-PAX" in any way related to some real life case. Not that I'm aware of anyway. I just wanted to point that out to you here right away, since this is often talked about and people seem to believe that the author is or was in fact a psychiatrist actually writing about true events. As far as I know this is not the case.

Until next blog,

sarah

Turtle

Dear reader,

it's difficult not being able to do anything but wait. It's not quite like that. We brought my mom an mp3 player yesterday with music. I wish we could do more. Others tell us repeatedly to call them, if there's anything they can do. But the biggest work my mom has to do herself now.

Today had a documentary on tv. The Top 10 of oldest animals on the earth. I first thought we'd watch that together. But then friends of my parents' wanted to come. So I didn't watch it. But I immediately thought of turtles. I heard once that the reason for them to reach such an old age is that they do everything slowly. Hectic pace, always fast and rushing damages the body.

Today and yesterday my dad seemed extremely down. Maybe my sister and I see the situation more positive than it is. Or my dad is too pessimistic, because he understands all the medical stuff and sees more of the negative because of that. Probably we'll meet somewhere in the middle of it.

Anyway, before my dad went to bed, I told him that turtles live to be so old, because they do everything slowly. I told him, "Give her time. Give yourself time." Then he went to the bathroom and I went to my room. I knew I have a soft turtle here. Someone had bought it some time ago and as I was looking for a hand puppet a while back, I found it and brought it to my room. I found it and went into the hall way. I hesitated. On the bed or on the desk? I decided on the desk in the hall way and went back into my room. Some minutes later, my dad stuck his head in and said with a very tired look, "I'll take it into bed with me." That's what I had hoped for anyway. :-)

Until next blog,

sarah

My motivation room

Dear reader,

I'm currently still living with my parents. So I can't make the whole flat the way I would, if it was my own. I'm not sure what I would change if it was my own. Anyway, today I want to write about my room.

You know, I was quite happy when in 2008 "The Dark Knight" came out. I didn't rush into the cinema, like probably many others did, to see one of the last movies with Heath Ledger. I had seen the first Christopher Nolan Batman movie, "Batman Begins" already and liked that. So it was quite natural for me to go and see the second and yes, I'm going to see the third and last one, too! What made me so happy about "The Dark Knight"? The Joker posters. Not because of Heath Ledger, but because of what it read on them: "Why So Serious?" I got a poster where the Joker is on it and wrote that line in blood. I had the poster on my door for a while. Now the poster is replaced by some other lines, I'm going to describe to you in a bit. "Why so serious?" helped me a lot for some time. It served as a reminder to smile. Even if it was a forced smile for the moment. The question seemed appropriate. Why walk around looking miserable so much? I forgot who it was and actually forgot the exact words of the quote, but it's something to the extend of: "Whether you smile or look sad, time keeps ticking anyway. So you may as well smile." The Joker's line was shorter though.

Now the only thing that reminds me or anybody of TDK are the three mini-posters on my wardrobe walls. I have three doors and it seemed fitting to put one poster up on each. The one furthest on the left has Harvey Dent's face with his right hand up holding one of his "I believe in Harvey Dent" badges hiding the right side of his face. The door in the middle has Batman's face with his right hand up holding one of his bat-boomerangs, whatever you call them, those bat things he throws sometimes. That, too, covers the right side of his face. On the right side has the Joker's face with his right hand up holding a Joker playing card hiding his right side of the face. I like those posters. Harvey is my favourite, because he's the character I like best in the movie. I have one of those badges now, by the way.

So then there's my desk. It stays in such a way that I sit right across from a wall. And I have one small bookshelf right on my desk and another on the wall a bit further up. The one on the wall has several postit's notes stuck to it. One reads "It's not over until it's over. Yogi Berra", another reads: "Like my mother used to tell me - if you're good at something, never do it for free. The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos: it's fair." Those three sentences are said by the Joker in the movie. I think the Joker's mom had a good advice. The other two lines are... debatable, I guess. Here's another sticker: "Who knows Master Wayne? You start pretending to have fun, you might even have a little by accident." That's a great line from "Batman Begins". Bruce Wayne's butler says it to him. Wayne is covered with bruises, because of his fights as Batman and the butler, rightly, says that Wayne would need some cover, some excuse for them. The butler suggests polo. Wayne doesn't like the idea at all. So that's when the butler says that line. He's so right. Sometimes we just need to do things, get started and it's not so bad after all.

That quote ties neatly into the movie "Love Happens". I know, it's a cheesy title, but it's really a nice movie. Not one of those stupid love-romance-flics you'd imagine it to be. And it has Aaron Eckhart in it, who played Harvey Dent in TDK. Anyway, the movie is about Burke Ryan, who lost his wife in a car accident a couple of years back. He got over his loss, or so he makes everyone believe anyway. He wrote a book about it and now does seminars to help others overcome their loss. Sometimes we hear Aaron Eckhart from the off citing lines from his book. One is this: "Devote five minutes a day to smiling, just smiling, and after a while it'll come naturally." (Funny enough at that moment we see him alone in his hotel room, sitting on the bed, staring blankly, looking very miserable.) I won't tell you what's up with him. You've got to see for yourself. There's no line from "Love Happens" at the shelf, but I love his advice and it just fits with the butler's quote. There are a couple of other quotes on those stickers, but they keep falling off on to the table. Also I'd advice you not to take my choices like that, but look for what fits for you. I picked those and some other lines, because they're special and mean something to me. I only write those for you to give you ideas of what may be working.

I wrote that my door doesn't have the Joker poster any longer. It has a couple of self-made papers. One has the first line Dracula said to Jonathan Harker as he enters the castle, although I took the liberty and changed one word for obvious reasons, here's the original line: "Welcome to my house! Enter freely and of your own free will and leave some of the happiness you bring." Essentially it says that the person, who comes into my room, should bring and leave happiness. I like that idea. Sadness out, happiness in. Another paper has Charlie Chaplin sitting in front of a house on the steps, looking sad with only a dog next to him, like he's the only friend left for Charlie. I added a speech bubble with a quote from Charlie Chaplin, namely: "Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles." I think that's very important to keep in mind. We sometimes think that our troubles and problems have no end, but they do. Very important reminder. I wanted Charlie Chaplin to look sad on the picture though. Add a little bit of humor to the quote like that. (Much like Burk Ryan telling us to smile and sitting alone and sad in his hotel room.)

I have another late addition on the door. It's a german line, supposedly what a person suffering from dementia may ask. It reads: "Is it Monday or May today?" It's written in one of those old fonts, too. I just love it.

I also made a compilation of five of my favourite magicians one in each corner (among them Derren Brown and Harry Houdini, if you care to know) and the duo Penn & Teller in the middle. The line above them reads: "Hour youth income ache sad if stow watch oath ink." I think Milton Erickson would have liked that one. Hint: Read it aloud and listen to the sound of the words. If you catch me in a good mood, I may answer your message about that quote and tell you what it really means. That one's on my wall next to the bookshelves actually framed, too.

If you want some of my self-made posters, like the Charlie Chaplin one, drop me a message and I'll send it to you. I also made a compilation of lines of "Batman Begins" and "The Dark Knight". I just don't know where to put it. It's several lines, among them those mentioned above, in different colours.

Go ahead, play with lines, stick some up at your place! I'd be happy to read your ideas and what you came up with, too! Drop me a message.

Until next blog,

sarah