The Neuro-Logical Levels and the significance of our word choices

When I was studying inclusive education, they told us that body language and an “open body posture” was important when working with clients. But they didn't elaborate on that. So I had to do my own learning (mostly reading) about that. I came across Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). I won't go into the details about what that is. Part of what they did and still do is either checking out those that are good at something and find out how they do it that well, so they can teach others that aren't that good or know nothing about this activity. One of the people especially interested in researching how people do things is Robert Dilts. That quote I opened my previous post with was from the book “Dynamic Learning” by Robert Dilts and Todd Epstein and is a transcription of a seminar on learning and teaching.

One of the things Robert Dilts developed (this is also mentioned in “Dynamic Learnings” and other of his books) are the “Neuro-Logical Levels”, sometimes also just referred to as “Logical Levels” or “Levels of Learning”.

a) Identity – Who?

b) Believes and Values – Why?

c) Capabilies – How?

d) Behaviour – What?

e) Environment – Where and when?

Sometimes those levels even have another one before “Identity” which would be “Spirituality/Mission” asking “Who else?”. For the purpose of this post however, the 5 levels mentioned above are suffice. All the levels influence learning and influence each other. Though changes in the bottom levels won't have so much of an influence on the upper levels than changes on the top levels do on the levels below.

For example it is indeed more difficult to study at around noon right after you've eaten and your body is more focused on digestion and your belly than headspace and learning. I remember one of my teacher at university was really unfortunate to teach us fairly theory packed things in a seminar at noon. One time he noticed we were all just too tired to pay proper attention, he was kind enough to end the class early. I really appreciate that. Or when it's really hot in the summer and you already have all the windows open to get some air in, but there just is no wind outside, it may be difficult to stay focused.

Speaking of focus: What schools usually focus on is how the children are doing in performance. So that would be the behaviour level and how well they do it, rating their capabilities.

Things can get mixed up badly though with terrible consequences, when for example some child is not doing well in writing. We are quick to say that “the child is dyslexic”. Dyslexia is the term for when someone has problems with reading and/or writing. But check the levels above again. If you say someone”is dyslexic”, that's the identity level. It's on top of the levels. It influences all the other levels. And it's wrong. If what makes them bad is being poor at spelling, that's a capability level, not identity level. Sadly people identify with their symptoms fast and what once was a fairly low level of “bad spelling” may soon become “a dyslexic child” or “a child with learning disability”. Make a guess about which of those problems is easier to change?

Side-note: It must have been in eighth grade or somewhere around that time when the teachers taught us about puberty, sex and all that stuff. I remember we got a small book in religion class that I ended up giving to the school library. I'm not even sure if I stopped reading it at a certain point or if I did finish it and then gave it to the school library. In any case there was this paragraph where they explained that teenagers sometimes argue with their parents and are mean and bad towards them. The reader needn't worry though: “You can still change.” (Du kannst dich noch ändern.) That line just made me furious and I told as much to the librarian I handed my copy of the book to. Even back then I thought that a big part of being a teenager is about change and growing up and getting independent. To me at least some of the tantrums of teenagers is based on that growing up process and hormones and not so much about willingly being a bad person. So to tell a teenager then that they “can still change” seemed just a stupid thing to write in my opinion. Was it like if they didn't like who they were then, (e. g. with the tantrums) that it didn't mean they'd stay that way until they died? Well, of course not! I guess the word that offended me most was the word “can”. Granted, there are some bad adult people out there as well. I guess the authors of the book would suggest that they didn't take that chance to change. Generally for me that change was a given in my opinion and to make it a “You can still change” seemed really stupid.

So anyways the point I wanted to make in this post here is that we should be careful, especially with negative feedback to children on which level we make those comments. It will leave an impact. Some deeper than others depending on the level.

M&M: The Hour of the Lynx

A young man arrives in a snowy small town and seemingly without reason brutally kills an elderly couple in a house. The man, by the name of Drengen, is caught and brought to the high security area of a prison. There the young psychologist Lisbet does an experiment by giving the inmates pets. Among them Drengen, who gets a red furred cat. Another inmate gets jealous during yard exercise time and throws the cat over the fence. Surprisingly Drengen has bonded a lot with the cat and ends up killing the other inmate in anger. The cat is found again. But Lisbet has to abandon the experiment. Since it's the last time with the pets, Drengen gets the cat back to say good-bye. But he claims that it's not his cat. He's convinced that god is speaking to him through the cat and pushing him to commit suicide. Lisbet doesn't know what else to do but involving the priest Helen.

Drengen is totally withdrawn and there's nothing they can get out of him that makes much sense. Helen persuades a guard to lock her in with Drengen in his cell over night. In the night Drengen starts talking and things start to make sense when he begins to talk about his past. You've got to watch yourself to find out what he's telling. The original title of this Danish-Swedish movie by the way is I lossens time.

As you can see above, Drengen is a young man, who is not afraid to use brutal force. So this movie isn't a totally easy one. Apart from those two murders however, the movie impresses by being markedly calm and makes one wonder, even well after the closing credits are over, about topics like blame, forgiveness and belief.

By the way, the source material for this movie was a theatre play The Hour of the Lynx (original title: Lodjurets Timma) by the Swedish writer Per Olov Enquist and is a play for five people, which premiered in April 1988 in Stockholm. The premiere for the German version was in 1992 in Ingolstadt. In 1991 the Hessische Rundfunk (Hessian Broadcast) and Sachsen Radio (Saxony Radio) together produced a radio play version of the theatre play.

The sad face

Caution: This entry contains Watchmen spoilers!

In January 2018 a long time and good internet friend of mine (you know who you are) and I came to talk about masks in an online game and consequently also masks more generally. I told her that I have a Scream mask that glows in the dark. (I still owe that friend a picture of that glowing mask. Back then I didn't get a good picture of that, because I keep the mask in the wardrobe in the dark.) I showed her also masks, of which I was thinking of maybe getting version 1 or version 2.They come closest to the moving Rorschach masks given the options available now. The friend wrote to me then that she had just rewatched Rorschach's death. "he looks like one of his masks inkblots on the snow".

I wrote to her under the title "Rorschach mask ink blots" the following text:

Rorschach's mask is not only moving, those blots are linked to his emotions.

This is one of the cards the psychiatrist shows him when he's caught:

This is the vision or memory he gets from seeing it: his mother (a prostitute) kissing the client. The boy sees them, worries about his mother and speaks to her, which makes the client walk away without paying the mother and she slaps her son:

We never see the full body image of them, like we do on the card, but it should be close enough to get the connection.

Rorschach's obviously false answer to what he sees: “Some nice flowers.“

This is the last image that shows on his mask shortly before his death and before he takes it off:

This is what's left of him, after Doctor Manhattan killed him:

If anything, this is his “sad“ face. It just has to be. Of course it's a sad moment in his childhood, but the image it makes on his face makes sense after we see that memory, at least it makes sense to me. He sees them close and kissing and later gets slapped. That is sad for a boy. And later he knows that Doctor Manhattan will kill him. He has to. They both know it. Another sad moment in Rorschach's life. The remains then form the only shape that makes sense.

There are other ink blots both in the book and movie that are related to certain emotions. But the sad face is the most obvious one of them all and gets repeated several times, as you can see. It's fairly obvious once you pay attention. Most people don't notice.

Check ebay for “Rorschach t-shirt” there are some with that very image for sale, too.

At that time I referred to the movie mostly. In the book there are other situations as well, in which more similar shadows are cast from different people and the Knot Tops spray their tag on walls, which is a very similar figure and on watchmen.fandom.com and whitneyblogs.weebly.com is called "The Hiroshima Lovers" following a comment the psychiatrist makes who evaluates Rorschach.

In memory of Walter Joseph Kovacs (March, 21 1940 - November, 2 1985)

Nail clipping. The right hand first or the left hand first?

Since I just clipped my fingernails again, I came to think about a scene from "Nymphomaniac 1", not for the first time.

An old man meets a young woman and lets her live with him. He introduces himself as "Seligman", which seems to be an odd name. He explains that it means "the happy one". She calls herself Joe and asks if he is happy.

Seligman: Well, I suppose I am. - In my own way. Even if I'm the kind of person who cut the nails
of the right hand first.
Joe: What does that mean?
Seligman: Well, I divide humanity into two groups: the people who cut the nails on the left hand first,
and the people who cut the nails of the right hand first. My theory is that the people who cut the nails
of the left hand first, they're more light-hearted. They ... they have a tendency to enjoy life more, because they go straight for the easiest task, and save the difficulties for later. - So what do you do?
Joe: Always the left hand first. I don't think there's a choice. Go for the pleasure first, always. And then when you've done the left hand, only the right hand remains. That's... that's the easiest one left.
Seligman: I never thought of it like that. - Well, you're never too old. Never too old to learn.

Which hand do you clip first? Let me know in the comments.

Friday, 13th

When I was studying inclusive education ages ago, I made one part of an exam as a presentation about phobias, which is a fear that's often very strong and limiting and often tied to specific situations. My presentation also was about how to cure phobias.

Very fitting for this day today there actually is a term for people with the fear of the number 13. Such a fear is called triskaidekaphobia (from the Greek τρεισκαίδεκα, treiskaídeka = thirteen). There are actually places where there are only 12 floors of a building or they skipped the 13^th floor and the buttons on an elevator only shows floor 12 followed by 14.

There is also paraskevidekatriaphobia (from Latin parasceuē or Greek αρασκευή, parascēves = Friday), the fear of Friday, 13^th. Movies like the series of horror movies “Friday, 13th” certainly don't help with that fear.

Fun fact: The fear of long words, maybe like the two phobias mentioned above, is called hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia. A made-up word from the wrong spelling of the English “hippopotamus”, the Latin “monstrum” (unusually large; monster), the Latin “sesqui” (= a foot and a half) and “pedal” from Latin “pedālis” (= the foot or part belonging to the foot). One and a half foot probably a figurative way of describing the length of the word. Actually in German the part “sesquipedalio” is spelled with 2 “p”: “sesquippedalio”. Probably a misspelling and through copy and paste people just spread it on.

Jews maybe don't understand such fears very much. Saturday is Shabbat for them, meaning their day of rest at the end of the week. They start celebrating that starting Friday evening. Also Bar Mitzvah, the Jewish coming of age ritual, is typically celebrated on the Shabbat after the boy has had his 13^th birthday. The Bat Mitzvah for girls is celebrated when they're 12 years old.

The Good Friday on the other hand is not really a good day for Christians, since it's the day of the crucifixion of Jesus. Even the economy, which could otherwise probably be called fairly rational, called several bad days “Black Friday”, either specific days of an economy crisis or stock market crash.

Thirteen by itself is often considered as not a good number. Jesus had 12 apostles. The day and the night are structured in 12 hours. The year has 12 months. So thirteen is often considered as “the devil's dozen”. Looking at it from a mathematical point of view, 13 is a prime number. Which means a whole number greater than 1 that cannot be made by multiplying other whole numbers.

These are only a few examples and possible explanations why specifically Friday, 13^th is considered to be such a bad day. Although you can find studies on the internet from insurance companies for example that show that statistically there are no more accidents (material damage or damage to persons) on a Friday, 13^th. The reason could possibly be though, because some are actually so scared of this specific day that they take that day off work and stay home, much like others who reportedly plan their holiday in such a way that they don't go on a Friday, 13^th.

I myself learned from a fairly young age that Friday, 13^th is a normal day and not necessarily something bad will happen on that day. In primary school I was part of the recorder group and once we rehearsed for a play on the supposedly bad day. The rehearsal when without anything bad happening.

When I was studying however there was something funny when one of our professors said good-bye to us on the last lesson before the exam telling us that we'll see each other again on Friday, 13^th for the exam. Cries of shock broke out in class then. Obviously we all knew somehow that the exams would be on a Friday and also that we had exams on the 13^th. But those two bad days were not in our heads together as Friday, 13^th, until the professor said his good-bye!

Fun facts:

1. Each year there is at least 1, but no more than 3 Fridays on the 13^th of a month!
2. If the year is no leap-year and February has a Friday, 13^th, so will March and November!
3. The shortest interval between 2 Friday, 13^th is exactly 4 weeks! Namely when fun fact number 1 applies with the days between February and March, since February only has 28 days.
4. The longest interval between 2 Friday, 13^th is exactly 61 days or 14 months! That's when the day is in August. Then the next bad day is only in October the following year. Or if the day is in June with the next Friday, 13^th only being in September the following year.

How is Friday, 13^th for you? Did something bad happen to you on this day? Or did actually something good happen to you on such a day? Do you think about this date or is it just a normal day like any other for you?

Happy Friday, 13^th everyone!

Who is “one" anyway?

Dear reader,

years ago we were sitting on the balcony as a family and had a BBQ. My sister told us about last night. I don't remember her exact words, but something along the lines of, “I had a mosquito in my room yesterday. It was flying around and buzzing. And when one turns on the light, it's gone!” To which our mother asked, “Who was the 'one' in your room, who turned on the lights?”

Even today I'm surprised that it was my mother, who jumped on the phrasing. Normally I have quite good ears for such things. In this moment my heart was turned on however, because we all know those nights too well, don't we, where mosquitoes are humming and annoying, when we want to sleep. My father is also fairly good, hearing discrepancies in what was being said and commenting on it. He too hadn't reacted on that that evening.

Who is this unknown, undefined person “one” anyway? You can find them in recipes and other instructions and guidelines, in German, at least. Probably not so common in cooking recipes in English. (Sometimes one has to think hard to come up with good examples in a language that's not their native one.) At least in English it's more common for “you” to take the table spoons. So that's good. I think.

“They” can also be charming and very intelligent people. “They say...” Who's doing the research for those people?

They say that lots of stuff on the internet is stupid. Maybe so is this entry. I don't know. I only thought of that evening on the balcony the other day, when I heard a mosquito in my room buzzing around an when I turned on the light, it was gone most of the times. The times I did see it, I was sadly unable to crush it.

Until next blog,

sarah

Organ language

Dear reader,

no, organ language isn't something bad or rude. It's the manner of expression of our organs, to show us that something isn't right. The theory goes that, based on which organ gives us trouble, we could also identify more precisely what kind of problem we have.

That doesn't seem that odd at all, although I have only very barely dealt with that subject. Some of it seems, even without deeper knowledge of organ language, almost intuitively finding expression included in our word-language, too.

The next time when you're thinking very hard about something, maybe also think of this entry and don't be too surprised that you've got a headache. Even though I can't tell you, why precisely you've got a headache from thinking a lot, there's still the phrase of “causing quite a headache”. Alternatively things can “cause somebody an upset stomach”.

Especially woman have fun when cooking, to also prepare the food on a plate in a nice way or enjoy it when someone serves them a meal that's set in a pleasing way, because “you eat with your eyes first”!

When once I was in the hospital for a surgery to correct my nose, many of us had tamponades in our nose and we joked some days after the surgery that we were “fed up” with it. Actually that one doesn't translate very well in English, because in German we say something like having a “full nose” literally.

Maybe you've heard of pheromones before, chemicals that are exchanged between two people and make us and the people next to us react to each other in certain ways. All of it is unconscious, but still there's some truth about the saying of “hating someone's guts”. Again, that one is a bad example in English, because in German we say that someone “smells good”, if we like them or doesn't smell good, if we don't like them. But still works in English with the “gut” as an organ in the saying.

Is it so surprising that some people develop asthma, when we've got the saying that something “takes my breath away” or something is “breathtaking”?

Maybe it's worth looking more into this organ language and what it may mean, especially if you've got problems with one or more organs time and again.

Keep a stiff upper-lip!

Until next blog,

sarah

The truth about too positive thinking: the bitter pill

Dear reader,

for the first time I prefer the german idiom (literally “the sour apple” or “biting the sour apple” actually) to the english “biting the bullet” or “swallowing the bitter pill”. Often I like the english idioms more. In this case though, fruit-wise, the german one fits better after my The lemon post than “biting the bullet” or “swallowing the (bitter) pill”. That's not the truth about too positive thinking. That's just something I noticed for myself and it doesn't even have to be the truth at all.


Gabriele Oettingen from the university of New York is researching self-regulation of goal setting and goal disengagement. In 2011 Oettingen and her colleague Heather Kappes did an interesting experiment. They deprived participants of the experiment of water. But they let them experience a guided visualisation exercise in which they pictured a glass of cold water. After that they measured the blood pressure and found that the exercise drained their energy and made them relaxed. They felt less compelled to actually get the real glass of water to satisfy their very real thirst.


Oliver Burkeman from the Guardian writes in his article How to be fitter, happier and more successful: stop dreaming and start getting real, that these findings are actually the reverse of what's very commonly known and assumed. Thoughts of the quite popular and well known The Secret come to my mind, which is full of examples of people more or less wishing for a positive future and then getting it.Gabriele Oettingen and her colleagues show that this intensive imagining is just one way to failure. A positive, new future doesn't come from “thinking up” a perfect world, but actually taking actions and that's other and new actions from what has been done before and brought unsatisfying results. Remember Albert Einstein's definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Therefore my idea of “thinking yourself thinner” as described in my Thinner too: with savvy - weight and see, was meaningless in the end. At least it's not the only way, if you want to be thinner. Especially girls or women can be seen again and again wearing tight cloths. At least that's not the only way to go, if someone wants to be thinner. In any case, there isn't just this one thing someone has to change or do to be thinner anyway. Tighter cloths can help in some ways. But what some, especially girls and women do, is not helping the “thinking yourself thinner”, but looking like a stuffed sausage and making it visible for everyone else just how not fitting those close are for them, which is certainly not at all the way to do it. Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation, Oettingen describes the WOOP method. WOOP stands for “wish, outcome, obstacle, plan”. On the WOOP homepage you can not only find more information like WOOP in 24 hrs to listen to and other downloads and help for interested people. WOOP is the idea that not everything is beautiful and perfect with thinking of it that way. The outcome, more specifically one specific outcome you imagine from that changed future helps. The very popular ignoring or “fighting your way” through obstacles may work sometimes. The second “o” (obstacle) in WOOOP and the “p” (plan) help making plans for what to do when ignoring isn't helping the reality and your original goal seems to fade away. That's how so many good ideas fall through after all: a missing plan for what to do when obstacles are there.


Until next blog,
sarah

The lemon

Dear reader,

imagine yourself sitting at a table. In front of you on that table is a lemon. It's fresh, bright yellow. Take the lemon in your hand. Feel its structure. It's pretty smooth, but has those tiny dots on the surface of the skin. Now take a knife and cut the lemon in two halves. You can smell the fragrance and some of the juice gets on your hands. Take one of the halves and cut it again. More of the smell in your nose and more juice on your fingers now. Do you dare taking one piece and licking the juice once or actually biting a bit off the lemon and chewing it?

Well, did you have to swallow when you read the first paragraph? I don't know what happened for you reading the first paragraph. But my mouth was watering as I was thinking about that lemon and writing that paragraph.

The effect comes, because our mind isn't very good distinguishing between thoughts and reality. When the thought is detailed enough, our (bodily) reactions to it, are as real as they would be with the real thing.

Picture your own future positive and in details and your half way there. In my entry Darn mirror neurons! I told you about a similar phenomenon, that the same parts of our brains are active when we watch people do something and don't participate, as if we were joining in.

I don't remember where I read it or heard it. I will add it, if I find it. In any case there was this experiment, where people had their arm in a cast and couldn't move the arm, of course. The people of one group were told not to move their arm. The participants of the other group where shown certain exercises for the arm for when the cast came off. Although the arm was in the cast and therefore immobile, they should still imagine doing the exercises for real. When the time was up, they found that the decrease of muscle mass of the people's arm of the second group was less than for the first. Interesting how much positive thinking helps, isn't it?

All assumptions are really true. The conclusions we make, which includes scientists and self-help gurus, aren't quite correct though.

However since it's pretty late now and I should go to bed a bit earlier sometimes and I like the fact that people follow my blog and read several posts, I will tell you the negative consequences of too positive thinking in the nest post. Yes, there is such a thing as too positive thinking with consequences, which could sometimes be very negative indeed.

Until next blog,

sarah

Sweet dreams (Father, don't you see that I am burning?)

Dear reader,

let me tell you a bedtime story. One of Freud's clients came to him and told him of a father, who had the following dream (from “The Interpretation of Dreams“ by Sigmund Freud):

“A father had been watching day and night beside the sick-bed of his child. After the child died, he retired to rest in an adjoining room, but left the door ajar so that he could look from his room into the next, where the child's body lay surrounded by tall candles. An old man, who had been installed as a watcher, sat beside the body, murmuring prayers. After sleeping for a few hours the father dreamed that the child was standing by his bed, clasping his arm and crying reproachfully: "Father, don't you see that I am burning?" The father woke up and noticed a bright light coming from the adjoining room. Rushing in, he found that the old man had fallen asleep, and the sheets and one arm of the beloved body were burnt by a fallen candle.”

How could a dream like that happen? One option may be that the father sensed the smoke or the light and integrated it into his dream. That's how we're supposedly dream anyway, we dream of things we experienced during the day and/or actual sensations we experience now creep into the dream. A logical explanation. But it doesn't explain why time and again there are people burning to death in their bed after having fallen asleep with a light cigarette or something. Also they say about hypnosis and trance that if we really have to be awake, because there's danger ahead, we'd be out of hypnosis or trance instantly and ready to act. Without having experienced that personally, I do believe that about hypnosis and trance to be true. But it doesn't explain the burn victims.

Next theory. We enjoy dreaming. Likewise many people enjoy being in a trance. That means that in order to wake up, we need either a strong outside stimulus or the dream has to be so uncomfortable, that being awake seems more pleasant and that's why we wake up. The father dreamed of his son, to be close to him. But the fire was a stimulus that needed to action. So he dreamed of his son waking him up. Sounds logical, doesn't it? Maybe. But much like the paragraph above, shouldn't we wake up with a fire all the time? Either waking up from the fire itself or from dreams forcing us to wake up?

Taking into account the possibility of a life after death or that the soul lives on after death or something like that, the son could also have contacted his father for real in or through that dream. Although personally I rule out that theory. Because I know that Harry Houdini wanted to contact his mother very much. After he was dead, he would have done everything possible, to contact his living wife. Even if he tried, there's no account of him actually succeeding in it to this day.

What then can we make of this dream? Your theories?

Until next blog,

sarah

Multitasking is bulls-hit

Dear reader,

it's often said that we women are more capable of doing several things at once more than men can do it. Women are capable of multitasking, men aren't. Or are we all in the end incapable of multitasking really? Maybe I can write this here and at the same time have the music on and I do have a chat window open on top of that. I could certainly also do some exercises that can be done sitting, while I'm writing here. Mentally my attention is definitely divided though and not truly totally with either of these things. Without actually researching for studies on this, I think that the concentration and productivity decreases, if you do several times “at the same time” so to speak. Because you'd not give your full attention to either of them. Not to mention the question of for how long you can keep up doing several things at once, dividing your attantion between them and staying mentally and physically healthy. 

Penn Jillette of the magic duo Penn & Teller read about this once that you should not listen to music while riding your bike. Because it would limit your attention of what's going on on the street. Strictly speaking you should have your radio or music off in your car. Penn actually did that for a while. What he found out is not really surprising: he found that he was paying more attention to the road traffic and would notice more things.

There are different versions of this story of a zen master. He was asked what his secret to enlightenment was. “When I sleep, I just sleep. When I walk, I just walk. When I eat, I just eat”, the zen master said. The student was confused. He was very certain he did that, too. “No”, the zen master said. “When you wake up, you're thinking about what to eat. When you eat, you think about where to go next.”

For those knowing this story, there's a sort of follow-up story to that. The zen master is sitting at the table one morning eating his breakfast and reading the newspaper. “Master”, the student says. “Didn't you say when you eat, you just eat. When you walk, you just walk? Now you're sitting here, eating your breakfast and reading the newspaper. Doesn't that contradict your teachings?” To which the zen master said, “When I read the newspaper and eat breakfast, I just read the newspaper and eat breakfast.”

Until next blog,

sarah

Remember to just breathe

Dear reader,

there are all sorts of relaxing techniques, courses, therapies and what not, to get relaxed again, thinking more straight and/or to just calm down again. The simplest and most obvious is often overlooked: just breathe. In a stressful situation or when we're nervous, we react far too often with shallow breathing or even holding our breath all together, instead of taking a deep breath or at least keep on breathing normally.

Many starting with ventriloquism will probably notice that the way of breathing they use for that makes them aware of their belly muscles suddenly. Especially those we don't use that often usually. Often you can read about neglected diaphragmatic breathing. As if we ever really could breathe without our diaphragm. It's true that we do breathe rather shallow and not consciously deep in and out of the belly. The intestines are often called the second brain. So just like we yawn sometimes to air our brains in our head out, it feels just as well good to relax the belly by breathing consciously. It's free!

In busy times like this, we could all do with calming down more. You don't even have to meditate as such. Many in fact have difficulties not thinking for a while. I know people, who say that they work better time pressure. Some suddenly feel bored when they don't have another five things to do at least on their “to-do list”. Some day they'll have a burnout. For those who don't want to stop thinking completely in a time of quiet, they might, as an alternative, for example count from 1 to 10 and when they reached 10 start again at 1. Repeat a few times, without taking note how many times you reached 10.

Might be a good thing to “think first, then speak” in any case. Especially in conflict situations. In Noel Coward's “Privat Lives” two couples are on their honeymoon in a hotel. As luck would have it, the husband of one was once with the wife of the other. They meet now again with rooms next to each other and bicker again, too. But they don't want to bicker. They make an agreement: when one notices they start bickering again, that person is to say a catchphrase. After that they're both not to speak for two minutes. Two minutes with the option of renewal. I like that idea a lot.

Until next blog,

sarah

Am I pretty?

Dear reader,

Sherlock Holmes can sometimes get on people's nerves a lot with his analytic ways. Or when he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't have a clue. In "The Sign of Three" (The 2nd episode of the 3rd season of "Sherlock") quite certainly both apply. Sherlock and John are both drunk for John's stag night and play "Who Am I?" For that you get a piece of paper stuck to your forehead and have to guess the name on it. Usually a quite entertaining game. Though probably not with Sherlock. John should have known by now that Sherlock is not the man for trivia and chitchat and doesn't care about what would commonly be considered famous or interesting people.


John: "Am I pretty? This." (John points to the paper on his forehead)
Sherlock: "Beauty is a construct based entirely on childhood impressions, influences and role models."
John: "Yeah, but am I a pretty lady?"
Sherlock: "I don't know who you are, I don't know who you're supposed to be."
John: "You picked the name!"
Sherlock: "But I picked it at random from the papers."
John: "You're not really getting the hang of this game, are you, Sherlock?"


Sherlock is right with his argument though. It's exactly the factors Sherlock lists and more, which make us divide unknown people into nice or unlikeable, intelligent or stupid or any of the other many other pigeon-holes we have. A totally normal reaction. Routine and familiar situations, things and people are what help us making our life easier. We could not constantly react to each situation as if it was totally new to us. Something like real objectivity doesn't exist.

Even Sherlock Holmes' way of thinking is nevertheless not impeccable though. In "The Great Game" (season 1, episode 3 of "Sherlock") John can't believe it at first that Sherlock doesn't know the earth goes around the sun. Detective Inspector Lestrade and other police men also make fun of that. Sherlock doesn't care. His head is important to him and the fact that the earth goes around the sun is not important enough for him to keep it in mind for long. Though at the end of the episode even Sherlock has to admit that a little more knowledge about the solar system would have helped him solve the case faster.


Until next blog,
sarah

Postscript: Stop feeling sorry, but be compassionate!

Dear reader,

Susanne was so kind to point me to something very important about my last post: there's a difference between pity and compassion. I want to elaborate on that more now. Many thanks to Lisa as well for the stimulating chat!

For me pity is what I described in my last post. The professor has no arms. In my view, we need arms. She doesn't have arms, so I pity her. But as I already wrote, the professor at least seems to be happy, even without arms! So there is no reason to feel sorry or shocked or whatever for long. She's fine the way she is. It seems to me that pity has a lot to do with assumptions we make. Those assumptions should be tested and if possible lead to action of some kind or another afterwards. A bit like Sherlock Holmes. It would be bad to be stuck in an assumption and that was it.

Compassion is something different. With compassion someone might be shocked or startled at first. For example to learn that I'm missing my right foot. An important next step could be to ask, if or how I needed help. When I explain that I can walk, run and ride a bike fine, it's okay that I have got only one foot. I would need help swimming. Because I have to take off the prosthesis for that. That means that I have to get to the edge of the swimming pool or as close to the sea as possible with the prosthesis on, but then the prosthesis should be away from the water so it doesn't get wet all over. Then when I get out of the water I need the prosthesis back and someone either has to get it for me, or help me get to the prosthesis.

That's important and necessary. Generally speaking the professor and I are fine with our handicap. It's also fine to feel sorry for a moment that we lack arms respectively a foot. The important thing is how to react and deal with that in the longer term. That if we need help, we don't only have people around us who feel sorry for our situation and don't dare helping us or for whatever other reason don't act. When we need help some time, it's important for us to have people around, who understand and help us.

In the social field or among people working in communications there's a word often used: empathy. Recognise and understand what the other person is feeling. That may sometimes mean crying along with them. That's important and right. However it should happen for a limited time only. After that it's important to think it through together how things can go on from there. That's very important. Because if someone is really in a bad situation, that person needs help and not only someone to cry along with them. Even though the saying goes: A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. It's even better if this sorrow has an end and one can get out of a bad situation easier and faster with others than alone.

Until next blog,

sarah

Stop feeling sorry!

Dear reader,

many people, especially those I meet on the internet, feel sorry when they learn that I was born handicapped. I'm missing my right foot from birth. But, as I keep telling those people all the time: I can walk normally, run, ride a bike with a prosthesis. Still the first reaction from many is, “I'm sorry.” Why anyway? Sometimes I say or write to them that probably they feel more sorry than I ever feel for myself. I was born this way. I don't know any other way. I don't miss my right foot. I never had it, but I always had a prosthesis.

Years ago, during my studies, I had some seminars with a professor with no arms. Although I never dared asking her directly, I assume she doesn't have arms because of Contergan. Once her son was in the seminar and she told us she's got a second son. In one discussion group in a seminar, she told us that she never had the need to put her arm around someone. The reaction of all of us at first certainly was shock. We're so used to hugging someone. Be it as a form of greeting or to comfort. And she has got two sons! Of course would I have the need to hug my sons, comfort them, put my arm around them, and cradle the little kid in my arm. Wouldn't I? And yet she seemed at the very least content with her life. She had said it herself, she never had had the need to put her arm around someone. Why then do I feel sorry for her, that she, especially with her two sons, could and can never put her arms around someone? I think, we're feeling sorry very quickly for others when we see or learn about something that's existing for us or possible for us, but not existing or not possible for them. But what good does it do to feel sorry then? Not at all.

My landlady and friends of my parents, consequently also mine, I guess, told me the other day that she was to give one of her sons money. That money was to come from another person, who didn't give it to her on time for her to give the money to her son on time. So when the son asked her about the money, she had to tell him she didn't have it... and said to him that she was sorry. Talking to me and thinking back about it, she questioned, why she had felt sorry about it. It hadn't been her fault that the other person didn't give the money on time!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and especially stop feeling sorry for others! That's not helping anybody. When someone is in a bad situation, he or she needs help, not pity. If you want to help and the other person genuinely needs help, help them. That's all you can do. Everything else ends in you feeling sorry and then what? Then you feel bad yourself. That's not helping you or the other person.

Until next blog,
sarah

Why I'm not Sherlock Holmes

Dear reader,

I see things others overlook and think about things, others take for granted and think of as common. Some who know my interest in Sherlock Holmes, even start drawing parallels. I know that some admire that I know certain things others do not. On the other hand I'm very clueless about some day to day things others take to be given. Much like Sherlock doesn't even know how the sun, the moon and the earth are related to each other.

I'm currently reading Mastermind: How to Think Like Sherlock Holmes by Maria Konnikova. It was only yesterday that I read a bit on how we judge strangers on an unconscious level to be likable or not based on similarities of person we do know and like or not. Dr. John Watson falls for that unconscious trap in "The Sign of Four", where he meets Mary Morston, who he thinks is beautiful and he likes her instantly. Sherlock Holmes however is aware of those thought processes. Even though Mary Morstan is good looking, he doesn't conclude that she's a nice person, much less an innocent lamb. John thinks of Mary Morstan as a good person right away. Sherlock does notice her physically good looks, but doesn't judge her character in any way based on that for starters. John doesn't know that he has similar looking woman in his mind and projects the positive characteristics of those on to the for now strange Mary Morstan. Maria Konnikova writes that the magic will disappear as soon as you're aware of those processes.

I'm still far away from being like Sherlock Holmes. Although by now I rarely step on stairways that don't work these days. Everything else is too much John Watson still, I noticed. I was at a new orthopaedic technician for my prosthesis. In came an older man, thin, grey, curly hair. In other words: very much like Peter Capaldi, the 12th Doctor, who we'll see from next year on. Too much like him. I noticed how my face got warmer. Oh no! Only when I was out again, I was aware of what had happened. The connection to Peter Capaldi wasn't obvious to me right away. I will continue to like that man still. If he makes me a new good working prosthesis, even better.

Until next blog,
sarah

Thinner too: with savvy - weight and see

Dear reader,

you wanted to be thin and cancelled your fitness studio membership, because you don't need it anyway. Now some food for thought to add to that.

I read once that hypnosis is the best way and one of the best possibilities to achieve that. I have no idea how much of what I did to be thin was in a sense “hypnosis” or not. Regardless of that I can see certain parallels between hypnosis and successfully being thin. Many people believe that hypnosis makes you lose your will. That's not correct. Apart from the conscious and the unconscious, there's also a third very important instance, which is often called “the critical factor”. It's the connection between the conscious and the unconscious. The unconscious holds beliefs. The critical factor checks incoming new information with the already existing beliefs. If they are identical, they go into the unconscious, if not they're blocked out and stay in the conscious mind only.

Hypnosis only works when the critical factor is levelled down. Only then are phenomenon like an immobile (cataleptic) hand possible. Of course the person can still move their hand. But at that moment the barriers of the critical factor are at least that much down so what the hypnotist is saying, that the hand is impossible to move and cataleptic, is accepted to be true. This is enhanced even further through a chain of autosuggestion (“I notice that I can't move my hand. So it must be true that I can't move it. Therefore I can't move it.”) and the hand is immobilised, although under normal circumstances, the hand would be possible to move fully and without difficulty.

The critical factor is the reason why (New Year's) resolutions are so difficult to do and to keep doing them. The critical factor finds many more confirmations for the old habits and beliefs. So they are kept in the end. So for being thin you have to use tricks like a hypnotist.

The most important of all is:

1. State goals in the positive!

State your goals in the positive towards what you want. Remember: if you state it in the negative with „not“, you'll have the negative still in your head. That's not helpful in the long run. I'm warning you, if you state in the negative, you'll have an elephant in your head and he's so big, he'll crush all the positive intentions.

Our brain works best with pictures. That's why they keep saying in order to remember a string of things, to connect them to a story. I find a whole story to be difficult and complicated. I find it better to work with other methods and build yourself a memory palace. Do you know the film “The Machinist”? In it Christian Bale is a man, who's tormented with problems he repressed, so he almost doesn't eat at all, has massive sleeping problems and looks just the way someone would in that situation. It certainly wasn't healthy for him as an actor to lose that much weight for that role. Here are two picture of it:

It really does not look healthy at all. But it gives your mind very clear images of what you want. Only watch out, please, please, not to go just that far really. It should only be images, with which to work on your own goal. To have such a physique is sick and very damaging for you in the long run! Nevertheless: overdo it with the images, which you use, be it in your head or those you pick to remind you. (The 10^th Doctor in “Doctor Who”, David Tennant, is probably more of a role model for being thin, and very likeable, too. Although at least one of his companions described him as “just a long streak of nothing. You know, alien nothing.” Right she is.)

2. Find pictures (real or in the head), which are exaggerating, to be clear on what you want.

(Once someone wrote to me on the internet and wanted help with hypnosis so I would make her breasts bigger. I told her that when I wanted to be thinner, I was thinking about Christian Bale's role in The Machinist and advised to her to do the same. So she searched for a picture of a woman with breasts too big, printed it out and used that image then. A couple of weeks later she wrote to me and told me that her breasts actually had gotten bigger. I don't know if what she said was correct. It seemed so to me. In the end the most important thing is, that she was happy and she seemed to be to me.)

Sometimes I tricked myself and picked a bit wider cloths to wear, which wouldn't be so tight on my body. That gives a feeling of being thin. At least thinner for those cloths, which with more weight would have been tighter. Skinny jeans on the other hand sometimes are quite comfortable and make your thighs be a bit tighter than wider jeans would when you sit down.

Once again English seems to be even more extreme, once you start playing with words. To "lose weight" is, if you're saying it out loud, very close to "loose wait". (Not tight waiting, ey?) In English I like to ask then: Waiting for what? But even in German I don't think it's a good choice of words for the wish of “losing weight”. Nobody likes to lose something. You have to find the words that fit best for yourself. In the end all I can do is make you aware that different words also have diverse meanings that come with them.

Also don't underestimate the support from outside. If a child is big and should lose weight, it's best to make it a family project. It's not helping the child if the family keeps eating fastfood as the child is supposed to eat healthy food.

Two “tricks” I still use now and then are the following: often we mistake thirst for hunger and eat something. It can often help to instead first drink a good amount. In the evening it can also help, at a certain time of hour, to go and brush your teeth. As you know, after that you shouldn't eat anymore. So I only drink unsweetened tea or water then.

Until next blog,

sarah

My Barnum Effect Test

Dear reader,

well, it's not mine. The experiment is old, of course. The magicians Penn & Teller did their version in their series "Bullshit" (season 7, episode 2: Astrology). Derren Brown shows this experiment as part of an episode of his series "Trick of The Mind" (season 3, episode 1). Which are only two that come to my mind right away, which I've seen myself. Others have done that experiment, too and towards the end of my studies at uni, I did as well.

I talked to the professor of a psychology class. The class was, at least in theory, about doing things and not just teaching and theory. The right course for my experiment, I thought. So I asked the professor if it was okay if I did a little experiment I had thought of doing for a while already. She agreed, so the week before easter holidays, I came in with yellow index cards I told others that over the course of the semester holidays, I had worked on creating a personality test program and would like to test its accuracy with them. I told them to write down: on the left top corner the day of birth, should they know it, also the time. But it wasn't necessary for me to have the time. On the right top corner they were to write a code of any combination of numbers and letters. Just so they knew theirs. In the middle they should write one short sentence that described them. (I should give Penn & Teller credit for that one. In their Bullsh!t episode on astrology, they let a psychology professor do exactly that. Since I couldn't come up with anything else as a basis for information.)

Then the easter holidays came and then the first day after the holidays came and the seminar was later that afternoon. So plenty of times for fellow students to approach me and ask about the test. Well, two came up to me right after the first seminar that day. One saying that she changed courses, but should I have the results, she'd like to know hers. I gave her her index card. The "result" I had stuck on the back of it with a paper-clip. I told her the truth right away that the twist to this wasn't so much the text, nor the test, but how they reacted. Another girl approached me saying she had an appointment at the doctor's. She'd try to change it, but couldn't. I desperately hoped the wouldn't tell the others about my text!

Anyway, I came into the room where the seminar would be held. One girl came to me and asked me about three times, "Are you going to tell us now?" She was really eager.

A short break time during the seminar was my time. I said, "Last time I asked you to fill out index cards for me for a personality test. I've got the results now. Please, pick your card and read it quietly for yourself. Don't share it with others. I want to ask you for quick judgment about how well it fits you." They went and read their card. I asked, "On a scale from 1 to 5, 1 meaning doesn't fit and 5 means it fits, how many think it sucked? 1?" No one. "How many say: a bit? 2?" Still no one. "How many say: so and so? Kind of half half? 3?" Two or three raised their hands. "How many say 4?" I didn't count, a good deal of people. "5?" The rest of them. One half joked, "Mine's like 4.5." That got a laugh. I said, "Of those, who say it's 5, would any of you care to read like the first two or three sentences for us? Just to show how a well done one would have looked like?" One started reading hers. The others started smiling and looking at each other. The reader asked me, if she should go on. I thanked her and said, it was enough and that the reason why the others smiled was, because they had the same text.

"You all have the same text", I said. "And here's another truth: that program I told you about doesn't exist." I could feel the relief that spread in the room. "I didn't even write the text. The text is from the wikipedia entry to 'Barnum effect', which is what happened here: if you have a bunch of information, you pick the things you think fit and make them fit to yourself. Barnum was a circus director, who had that motto of: a little bit for everyone." I went a bit on and then told them about, also that fortune tellers and the like use this technique.

I told them that my mom had told me about an aunt, who had went to a fortune-teller. She told that aunt that she was about to die in a car within the next 1 to 3 months. I said, "She lived longer than 3 months. But can you imagine - and we're right into the topic of this seminar here - the mental stress she would be in, every time she had to go into a car? This could be the one, she'd die in." I said, "So maybe you say: well, that's fortune-telling. I don't believe in that anyway. But you did believe me."

I was about to leave it at that, but one girl raised her hand and asked me something I don't remember anymore. It got us into a quite relaxed, but interested and interesting discussion (probably for 10 to 15 minutes, in any case longer than the teacher intended for that break) about fortune tellers, cold reading and the like. I felt good. It's one thing watching videos of Derren Brown or others doing it or reading about it. It's another to be able to feel that they believe you and knowing you cheated on them. I knew they wouldn't like strangle me or something. But I was quite nervous as to how they would react. I was very pleased how they reacted. Even surprised to find that they actually had questions and were really interested in knowing and discussing more!

Until next blog,

sarah